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Welcome to Amanda Green’s website

My Alien self my journey back to me Amanda Green e book cover march 2012 My name is Amanda Green (pseudonym), I was born and live in England, UK,  and I set up this website and wrote two memoirs and one self-help book to share with my readers the stories of my issues with mental illness, therapy and recovery. I also write thought provoking, inspiring fiction with the theme of overcoming adversities (abuse, homelessness, mental health, relationships and more)

Join my MAILING LIST‘ by clicking the link on the right hand side of this website.

Subscribe to Amanda Green author by email and you will receive an email each time I publish a new article to the site, to keep you up to date.

I regularly post blogs about coping strategies, inspirational things to do, Borderline Personality disorder, depression, Obsessive compulsive disorder, schizophrenia, anxiety/panic attacks, thyroid issues, eating disorders (Anorexia Nervosa and Bulimia), alcohol and drug abuse, sexual abuse/rape, Quetiapine (Seroquel anti-psychotics) and Citalopram (anti-depressant), therapies such as Cognitive behavioural therapy and paranoia, dissociation and psychosis – all of which I have experienced in one way or another either myself or those I know.  Also info on mental health charities, forums,  campaigns, the stigma surrounding mental illness, some of my personal experiences, celebrities with mental health issues and mental health in the family.

My logo is a locked box and this is because one of the main things I had to do to heal myself was to deal with adverse things that have happened to me in my past and my aim was to put them in a ‘pandoras box’, close the lid on them and lock them away, so that I could forgive and forget the past and concentrate on the future.

Amanda Green pandora box logo

Amanda Green pandora box logo

I realised that holding onto the past was harming me in the present time and it had to stop. Therefore, I decided this would be an apt logo for me to share and be recognised with. Plus green is for ‘go’ (‘go for it’ I thought) and is also my pen name.

You will see the main feature on the ‘My Alien Self : My Journey Back to Me’ book cover is a keyhole in keeping with the locked away bad memories theme…

Read about my book  My Alien Self – My Journey Back To Me by CLICKING HERE. To view or purchase any of my books click on the links to Amazon on the right.  Both memoirs are available as paperback and all are on kindle, but the GREAT news is that you do not need a Kindle reader to read kindle books Find out more by CLICKING HERE

I have also added a sample of my writing – see it by CLICKING HERE  and a small piece from my book about my mum and dad – CLICK HERE 🙂

My personal website is SandraMDean …….Continue reading Welcome to Amanda Green’s website…

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Endings, attachment and moving on

“I’m not good at endings”. Oh how many times I have said this, but today I realise that I am actually a lot better at them than I used to be. I guess part of it is that I am older, have more wisdom and experience and have had to get through a lot of endings, whether they were of my choice or out of my control.

  • Death of a significant other
  • Severing friends and family relationships of my own accord
  • Finishing personal therapies, especially a group therapy
  • Finishing colleges
  • Finishing school all that time ago
  • Friends and family moving away or to another country
  • Leaving jobs
  • End of personal relationships – being dumped, dumping the other person, falling out…

Whether we make the choices ourselves, or another makes them for us, endings are still hard.

We get attached to people and places, and may miss them or feel angry about them.

We can also get attached to inanimate objects, which we are sad about if we lose them or have them taken from us. Theft can create a huge loss in our hearts, especially if it’s something personal to us or that is something that belonged to a significant other.

So how do we deal with loss and attachment?

Everyone is different, but these are some of my ways…

  1. Sometimes I find it helps to write my feelings down; to explore my loss and how I am feeling.
  2. I might write a letter I will never send, to the person, saying all the things I wanted to say, whether it’s nice things or not so nice things that I need to process. I can let go of dislike, or let go of my grief.
  3. If it is something I have been doing regularly, like therapy or college, I can find replacing the time I would be doing those things, with something else that’s pleasant. This might be catching up with friends I knew from college, going to see my mum and dad, going for a walk or coffee, or doing some gardening. I don’t feel everything should or needs to be replaced, but it can help for a few weeks in the interim.
  4. I might make some new plans on what I am going to do next.
  5. I might actually have some therapy to help me deal with the loss.
  6. I help myself in any way I can, to get through – be it eating, exercise or being mindful.
  7. Mindfulness really helps – by giving myself time to just ‘be in the moment’ I can enjoy what I have got and how I feel, rather than thinking about the past or what I have lost. I like to use my senses to do this, be it smell, taste, sound, feel or sight. My favourite is taste, eating my favourite things or things that remind me of someone I love. I also love sound – sitting and just listening… to birdsong, chit chat, laughing; whatever is around me at the time.
  8. Very important is to acknowledge the loss and attachment and to allow myself time to get over it. There’s no point in trying to just forget about it for me, or try to rush it through. The time it will take to overcome the loss/attachment will depend on the significance and emotions surrounding the loss and attachment. I allow myself as long as I need. That is self-respect and self-care.
  9. When I lost my Late Great Auntie’s ring (it fell off my finger as it was a little too big), I was devastated. Over time, I had to tell myself that I have so much more of hers still left – most importantly my memories of being with her. Those are the most precious.
  10. I also indulge in my hobbies, like writing blogs, social media, writing books and learning new things.

Loss and attachment are two of many things we experience in life whether we like it or not, and like so many other things that affect our emotions and actions, we just have to find ways to get through loss.

I, personally, have just finished four years at a college, and have handed in my work for my Counselling Diploma. It’s still a little surreal, but I will keep in touch with my fellow students and already have plans for the next two Thursdays when I would have been in college! Happy days!

Take care,

Amanda 🙂

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It’s Mental Health Awareness week, 16th to 22nd May 2016; read my memoir and self-help book for FREE

16th to 22nd May 2016 is Mental Health Awareness Week.

Now, I have been writing about, campaigning about, suffering from, and recovering from, mental health issues for many years now, and have a multitude of blog posts on this site, so I will invite you to take a look around via the categories on the left side for Mental Health Awareness Week this year.

I am also giving away the kindle book versions of my sequel memoir, ’39’ (15th/16th May) and my self-help book ‘Living With Depression and Anxiety: 26 ways to get you out of the fog, into the sunshine’ (15th to 18th May). To download them FREE, just click on the links on the right hand side of this site, to take you to the Amazon pages, where you will find them free of charge.

Mental health is such an important part of our health, to ensure we live a content life, with good relationships, yet it can be hard to get the help, support and solutions needed. We must look after ourselves, push for help, but also take responsibility for ourselves if we can. If this is difficult, then seeking help is of utmost importance, whether from a doctor, counsellor, mental health charity or friends and family.

Take care 🙂

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Get to know me better… author interviews and blogging

I cuddle an orphan baby orangutan in Borneo

I cuddle an orphan baby orangutan in Borneo

Get to know me… Check out my latest two interviews:

GUM ON MY SHOE BLOG, CLICK HERE talking writing therapy, mental health, self publishing and much more…

And on Lisette Brodey’s WRITER’S CHATEAU, CLICK HERE talking memoir writing, coping with depression, mental health stigma, writing tips, Orangutans and more…

I highly recommend doing interviews on blogs,

I will be signing at the Essex Author Extravaganza on 25th and 26th June 2016, at the Cliffs Pavilion, Southend, Essex, and I really hope to see you there! 🙂  …….Continue reading Get to know me better… author interviews and blogging…

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I will be signing at the Essex Author Extravaganza at the Cliffs Pavilion, Southend-on-sea, Essex! 25th and 26th June 2016

Amanda Green paperbacks poster

Amanda Green paperbacks poster

I will be signing at the Essex Author Extravaganza at the Cliffs Pavilion, Southend-on-sea, Essex!

It’s on Saturday 25th and Sunday 26th June 2016, and tickets can be bought through ‘Eventbrite’ Please CLICK HERE to go to the site to purchase your tickets.

I will have my own table, with four of my books on sale at the event. Books will be limited, so if you are coming and would like your book(s) signed it is advisable to buy it (them). To buy on Amazon UK CLICK HERE and to buy on Amazon.com CLICK HERE 

I am very excited about the event, as it’s my first, I have ordered a banner, book stands, business cards and pens, so there’s lots of swag for you to get your hands on and take home. I will also have sweets, so if you do come, please do come over to pick up some bits, and
have a chat. I love a chat and meeting new people, so it will be great …….Continue reading I will be signing at the Essex Author Extravaganza at the Cliffs Pavilion, Southend-on-sea, Essex! 25th and 26th June 2016…

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How much alcohol is too much? The ‘tonight’ programme and my dry March continues

I watched the tonight programme last night on TV, about alcohol consumption and the new lower amounts set out in the guidelines of 14 units per week for women and men. They also gave a few facts:

No amount of alcohol is ‘safe’

One in ten people in the UK drinks the maximum weekly limit in just one day!

Drinking at home is the worst as it’s too easy to just keep pouring…

We need to have breaks in drinking alcohol; a few days of per week.

So, how am I getting on with Dry March?

It’s 18th March, and I did have a drink one night this week when on my own. I came face to face with a stressful situation and I just needed to relax. No excuse is a good excuse, but I don’t regret it. I had decided to have a drink that evening, and that evening alone, and I enjoyed it! And come the next day, I was back on the wagon. I haven’t even wanted a drink since. I feel so much better without it.

Now, I don’t plan on giving up drinking forever, as I enjoy it, but after my dry (all but one day) March, I am going to …….Continue reading How much alcohol is too much? The ‘tonight’ programme and my dry March continues…

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‘Living with Depression and Anxiety’ self-help book new cover and is now available as a paperback

'Living with Depression and Anxiety' Self-Help book cover

‘Living with Depression and Anxiety’ Self-Help book cover

I am very excited to launch my new book cover for my seventh book ‘Living with Depression and Anxiety; 26 ways to get you out of the fog, into the sunshine’ PLUS it is now available as a paperback as well as a kindle/e-book! 🙂

My hope is that this book will enable many people to take charge of themselves and overturn the negative symptoms depression and anxiety can bring.

I share my own 26 tips that have not only helped me to cope, but that I think will help everyone.

And long may I continue to create, write and help through my own experiences and thoughts on mental health and many other adversities life throws at us.

I am only a few months away from being a qualified counsellor, after nearly four years of college and placement, and I look forward to a future of using my empathy and own knowledge to aid others’ to better mental health as I have done myself. 🙂

Available on Amazon.com

Amazon.co.uk and many other Worldwide Amazon sites!

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Diary of my one month off alcohol, blog two; days five to eight, plus some facts about regular or heavy drinking

Volcanic Lanzarote

Volcanic Lanzarote

Firstly, here’s a few more facts about heavy or regular drinking…

Alcohol is a depressant, which means it slows down the brain and the central nervous system’s processes.  Apparently, over time, heavy drinking interferes with the neurotransmitters in the brain that are needed for good mental health. It lowers the levels of serotonin in your brain – a chemical that helps to regulate your mood. Alcohol may help deal with stress in the short term, which I have found, but in the long run it can contribute to feeling of depression and anxiety and make stress harder to deal with. I totally relate to this. People who drink heavily are more likely to suffer from mental health problems. In Britain, people who experience anxiety or depression are twice
as likely to be heavy or problem drinkers. For some people, the anxiety or depression came first and they’ve reached for alcohol to try to relieve it. For others, drinking came first, so it may be a root cause of their anxieties

A person’s sex life can be affected negatively, with heavy drinking – experiencing less sexual sensitivity – and people can find they have changeable moods which can lead to arguments and social/interpersonal issues, especially with those close to them. Sleep may become disturbed, lethargy and tiredness may overcome a person, and a person may experience anxiety in situations where they are normally comfortable. Work performance can be affected, or the ability to be a caregiver to a child, leading to more problems, and so a person may drink to alleviate the stress… And so the vicious circle continues.

So, here’s my diary up to day eight.

Night five and I am feeling like having a drink. It has been relatively easy so far, but tonight I feel low. My ear issue from diving a few days ago is not getting better, despite being on anti-biotics, nasal steroid spray, ibuprofen and an expectorant. I am on holiday, in Lanzarote, the weather is fairly cold (albeit no-where near as cold as at home) rather than being sunny and warm as expected, and it’s very windy, which irritates my ear. I do not like where I am staying much as it’s a cold, damp uncomfortable room, people in the communal area outside our room are drinking wine and beer tonight and getting drunk (they kindly offered us wine too which made me feel even worse) and it’s rural and quiet, which would have been lovely but I am just not feeling it. The hotel we stayed at for the first 6 days was lovely in contrast and we had a couple of warm, sunny days.

I have been getting out each day, but all the wonderful walks and sights have been a little marred by my ear pain and concern about not being able to fly home because of it. As I write this I think I just feel rather negative! We’ve eaten great food and I can taste really well. Perhaps I should have a cigarette at some point because maybe doing drink and cigarettes at the same time is too much after so many years.

We could go out tonight, but I just don’t want to – I want to be at home and I am worried that my ear will not be better (it is blocked inside) to fly home on Monday. I have been to two hospitals in Lanzarote so far about my ear, and I must go tomorrow (Sunday) to find out if I can fly Monday or not. I do hope so! I miss my cats so much! And my home.

Talking of home, someone close to me got burgled a few days before we left to come here, and the day before we left I realised there were marks on my door and frame where someone had been trying to break in by prising the door open. They didn’t succeed, but it really worried me and didn’t start my holiday well. The police know about it, of course.

Strangely, last time we were in Lanzarote, our villa was burgled!

Stress has always made me want to have a drink, so it’s a tough one today, but I will not give in!

Despite all of this, Lanzarote is such a beautiful volcanic Island, driving round it does give us some spectacular sights, so I have added one to this blog.

Day six was easier, especially as my pain subsided. We had a lovely day out and went for dinner in a lovely, small restaurant. Michael nearly gave in to a cold beer as the man on the table next to us was enjoying a pint of lager. I wouldn’t give in, despite really wanting one, so we didn’t have one and once we got our delicious food it was fine. So that was me being strong, yay! We are eating mindfully, enjoying our food more than ever.

Day seven was easy as we were on the plane home and although one person near me was having a can of beer, everyone else was drinking tea and soft drinks, like us.

Day eight – I have lost weight! A kilo! And I put this down to walking a lot and no drinking, so this is even more of an incentive. I had a fantastic day counselling my clients, and our takeaway curry in the evening was not accompanied by beer but Pellegrino sparkling water with slices of lemon – mmm refreshing and delicious!

The amazing thing is that I have still not had a cigarette even though I hadn’t given up. I just keep thinking I will have one in a minute, and then don’t.

Day nine – this is my first day back on my own, since we stopped drinking, as Michael has now gone home, so this will be the real test – can I be alone, possibly feeling lonely, and not have a beer?

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My diary of my one month off alcohol, blog one, the first few days of dry March

When asked when I have had one day off drinking, I can name a few, but only a few. When asked when I have had two days consecutively off drinking, I can name one time in the last (at least) fourteen years, and that was when I had to stop in order to do the horrible purging of the bowel and gut for my colonoscopy, yuk! When asked when I have had three days consecutively off drinking, I just couldn’t say; not in the last fourteen years anyway and most likely quite a while before that too.

Now, I say, I have had an addiction to drink. I am not an alcoholic, but I have been drinking nearly every day, and that is no good, especially as I suffer with depression and anxiety and alcohol actually makes it worse. It is an addiction. And it’s time I took control.

So, here I am in Lanzarote, with Michael and we both decided to stop while we are here on holiday. A strange time to stop some would say (and have already) but for us, it’s the best time. It’s away from the normal routine of home, we are together here for the first few days of our month’s sobriety (we live apart at home), we are busy enjoying …….Continue reading My diary of my one month off alcohol, blog one, the first few days of dry March…

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Working as a child – my experiences

As a child, I had various jobs. I liked to earn my own money as I didn’t get regular pocket money. Ongoing, I would occasionally iron a shirt for two of my brothers and I would get a whopping 50p for each time as they would be in a hurry. Which in the early 1980’s was a lot of money.

These were my jobs from 13 to 16 years old… which was 1987 to 1990!

My first job as an after school local newspaper round and I loved it – chatting to some of the people I delivered to was a great way to learn how to talk to adults of all types, and I also loved the Christmas tips 🙂

My second job was in Primark, in its early days of trading. I didn’t like it at all. Spending hours picking up clothes that people had dropped or knocked onto the floor, or on the extremely busy tills was not my cup of tea.

As a summer job, I worked on the seafront making and selling fresh hot sugared ring donuts. That was OK. …….Continue reading Working as a child – my experiences…

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Let’s talk loneliness

It has been talked about on TV quite a bit lately and classed as a health hazard; even being compared to causing similar physical damage to that of a smoker of fifteen cigarettes a day when considering it as a risk factor for early death.

It’s hard to believe in some respects, but loneliness is causing us harm. And too many people are embarrassed to talk about it, therefore they do not get help. This simply must change.

I have suffered quite a lot of loneliness, mainly because of mental health issues of the past – there’s nothing like being surrounded by people who do not understand you, who cannot empathise with you and who judge you because you don’t think and feel the same as them, and have a ‘mental illness’. But, surround yourself with people who do care, who do try to understand, and who can empathise with and support you, and you may well suffer with little or no loneliness.

The same goes for elderly people, who are just seen as ‘old, boring, ill…’ Without kindness and support, it could be the …….Continue reading Let’s talk loneliness…

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