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Welcome to Amanda Green’s website

My Alien self my journey back to me Amanda Green e book cover march 2012 My name is Amanda Green (pseudonym), I was born and live in England, UK,  and I set up this website and wrote two memoirs  to share with my readers the stories of my issues with mental illness, therapy and recovery. I also write thought provoking, inspiring fiction with the theme of overcoming adversities (abuse, homelessness, mental health, relationships and more)

Join my MAILING LIST‘ by clicking the link on the right hand side of this website.

Subscribe to Amanda Green author by email and you will receive an email each time I publish a new article to the site, to keep you up to date.

I regularly post blogs about coping strategies, inspirational things to do, Borderline Personality disorder, depression, Obsessive compulsive disorder, schizophrenia, anxiety/panic attacks, thyroid issues, eating disorders (Anorexia Nervosa and Bulimia), alcohol and drug abuse, sexual abuse/rape, Quetiapine (Seroquel anti-psychotics) and Citalopram (anti-depressant), therapies such as Cognitive behavioural therapy and paranoia, dissociation and psychosis – all of which I have experienced in one way or another either myself or those I know.  Also info on mental health charities, forums,  campaigns, the stigma surrounding mental illness, some of my personal experiences, celebrities with mental health issues and mental health in the family.

My logo is a locked box and this is because one of the main things I had to do to heal myself was to deal with adverse things that have happened to me in my past and my aim was to put them in a ‘pandoras box’, close the lid on them and lock them away, so that I could forgive and forget the past and concentrate on the future.

Amanda Green pandora box logo

Amanda Green pandora box logo

I realised that holding onto the past was harming me in the present time and it had to stop. Therefore, I decided this would be an apt logo for me to share and be recognised with. Plus green is for ‘go’ (‘go for it’ I thought) and is also my pen name.

You will see the main feature on the ‘My Alien Self : My Journey Back to Me’ book cover is a keyhole in keeping with the locked away bad memories theme…

Read about my book  My Alien Self – My Journey Back To Me by CLICKING HERE. To view or purchase any of my books click on the links to Amazon on the right.  Both memoirs are available as paperback and all are on kindle, but the GREAT news is that you do not need a Kindle reader to read kindle books Find out more by CLICKING HERE

I have also added a sample of my writing – see it by CLICKING HERE  and a small piece from my book about my mum and dad – CLICK HERE :-)

My personal website is SandraMDean …….Continue reading Welcome to Amanda Green’s website…

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My 5 star book review of ‘Attic of the Mind’ by Hemmie Martin – a fantastic read!

Attic of the Mind by Hemmie Martin

Attic of the Mind by Hemmie Martin

Well, well I have found myself a favourite author I believe! I have just finished ‘Attic of the Mind’ by Hemmie Martin; a book which I found myself actively trying not to finish because I was so gripped and intrigued!

Attic of the Mind is a psychological thriller about revenge, love and manipulation. It’s dark, violent, and gripping to the point that I was gasping as I read in places and in awe of the beautiful ‘turns of phrase’ in others. If I could write a book like this and magic up such ideas, I would be very proud of myself indeed, so thanks Hemmie, and well done!

So, if you’d like to read something twist filled, to keep you on the edge of your seat, and with characters you will care about, then I highly recommend you read this book.

I am going to read more by this author!

5* all the way. :-)

To buy the book in the UK, see Hemmie’s Amazon AUTHOR page CLICK HERE

To buy the book on Amazon.com, see Hemmie’s author page by CLICKING HERE

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I start my counselling placement next week – finally feeling proud of myself!

I was just saying this week how looking back at the times my mental health issues were at their worst and I was out

My first memoir

My first memoir

of control, seems surreal and it’s like watching a fiction film in my mind – a nightmarish story at times. How far I have come… I begin my counselling placement next week and I am really looking forward to it! I am an integrative counsellor, taught CBT, person-centred and

My sequel memoir

My sequel memoir

psycho-dynamic theories.

I started my first counselling course in September 2012 and I remember it clearly. That formed a part of my sequel memoir ‘39’…

October 2012… I recently enrolled on a college course; ‘AQA Intro to Counselling’ on Mondays … only a couple of hours each week with a few hours’ homework… 

I hope it will all go well for me, as it will be a whole lot different to being indoors working from home in hibernation and solitude a lot of the time. I hope to get on well with my classmates, gain some confidence, and learn in a classroom environment towards qualifications and a new line of work eventually, in the years to come…

I was so nervous to start college at first, thinking… will I get on with people? Will I be able to keep up?  Will I be able to cope with the role plays?  Will I cope with the new academic environment – a place I haven’t been in for many years?  But, luckily, I was too excited about starting the course to worry much and, as usual when it comes to worry anyway, it would have all been for nothing as I loved the classes within minutes of being there. …….Continue reading I start my counselling placement next week – finally feeling proud of myself!…

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Therapy cats, pets, family, a new chapter and lowering blood pressure!

Titus my cat peacefully asleep

Titus my cat peacefully asleep

I really wanted Titus to be a therapy cat, and I just realised that he kind of is…. To my mum and dad when I take him round there. I get dinner, they get my cat and I for the night. They actually ask for me to bring him. Dad strokes him, teases him and plays with him (usually getting a scratch or two!) and Mum follows him around, cooing over him and strokes him; albeit timidly at times. It struck me that Titus is a kind of therapy cat in those situations. I mean, I have already acknowledged that he is therapy for me and a whole lot of fun with his cheeky ways and imaginative ways of communicating his needs. He fills my life with joy. But, when I take him to my mum and dads, he fills their house with joy as well. No problems; just calm, fun and enjoyment.

Cats are fantastic therapy and owning one and stroking it often, is proven to reduce blood pressure. If you can ‘be in the moment’ listening to their purring, stroking their soft fur, really interacting, you will also be practising

titus and the fish tank

titus and the fish tank

‘mindfulness’ without even realising! (my hamster and tropical fish help me to be mindful as well)

Need I say more!

There are so many cats that need new homes, for many reasons (owner has passed away or they were no longer wanted or cared for, for example) so if you would like a fab cat, please think of getting your new addition to your family at a rescue centre (RSPCA, Cats Protection etc). I do support ‘Adopt don’t shop’. I fostered Titus nearly two years ago and he was the one for me so I couldn’t let him go and adopted him. One of the best decisions I have ever made.

I am about to start my counselling placement any time soon, and I feel ready. I cannot wait to start the journey of …….Continue reading Therapy cats, pets, family, a new chapter and lowering blood pressure!…

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Some simple ways to keep positive…

Visual beauty

Visual beauty

I have been exercising positivity in a few different ways lately, to help me with my continuing journey of recovery, so I’d like to share a few more ways to do this. These may sound simple exercises but they work for me. These examples are not all from my own thoughts and feelings, but are more general.

I improve all the time, and it is now hard to believe how mentally tortured I was in the past… …….Continue reading Some simple ways to keep positive……

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Inspired by a fellow blogger, ‘Things that make me happy’ Try it too!

On Sunday, during the Twitter hashtag event #SundayBlogShare (which is exactly what it sounds like, sharing pages from our blogs with others, reading and sharing) I came across a blog post called ‘Things that make me Happy’ by Suzie CLICK HERE TO SEE HER BLOG which is a wonderful, inspiring list of things that make her happy. Find Suzie on Twitter at @suzie81blog and join in next Sunday if you have a blog to share (no porn or books, just interesting blogs).

Anyway, I decided to write my own, being positive and all… So, here’s some things that make me happy…

  1. From seeing them on TV, to real life, to touching them, to interacting with them and to having them share my house with me, I love ALL animals and more than anything else, they cheer me up. They are innocent, pretty much, only kill to eat, pretty much, and virtually all of them do not play vicious games or mind games, or abuse one another. You get my drift. Our human destruction and abuse of animals great upsets and angers me, but animals bring me great joy. Number one!
new forest donkeys

new forest donkeys

  1. Days out – from museums where I learn of history, to walks in the fresh air round beautiful gardens, to a wander round the shops with coffee; it is great to get out and about and make the most of life, one day at a time.

  1. Holidays – well, of course, who doesn’t? Exploring new areas or Countries in more depth… Sun… mmm…

  1. My mind can be a bit flighty in that I have 20 internet windows open, 4 word documents, and emails, all at the same time, but I learn so much on-line about various subjects. I also like to learn from books, museums etc… but especially discussions where varying points of views are brought forward.

  1. So I think ‘discussions’ should have a place of its own in this list, as it doesn’t matter if it’s with just one other person or a group, in person or on-line, learning from other people’s points of view, ideas, or knowledge is great.

  1. Massage! I would have a massage every day if I could. It’s great for my back but also sooooo relaxing! From Thai to Swedish, they’re all good!
new haircut

new haircut

  1. A nice haircut and blow dry – it’s so lovely coming out of the salon with sleek, soft, freshly cut hair :-)

  1. I just love my food; Thai, Japanese, Italian, Indian, Spanish, Mexican… so many kinds. I guess all my far flung travels encouraged me to try new foods early on, and we are so lucky now as we can get so many different foods in the UK, to eat out or cook at home. I love British food too, and try to be mindful of flavour, smell and texture, as it’s relaxing and means I enjoy my food even more! Indian cuisine is my comfort food.
My pizza with a view

My pizza with a view

  1. Stroking my cat, Titus. He has to have his own listing, as he’s gorgeous! I love to lay my head on him while he purrs – it’s hypnotic and very relaxing. They say that stroking a cat regularly lowers blood pressure too and helps our body release a relaxation hormone! :-)
Titus during a car journey

Titus during a car journey

  1. Watching interesting documentaries and true life films. I love to escape into these, and thankfully, because I have my freeview recorder, I can watch things when I want to, and do not have to watch rubbish. Some days I don’t have the TV on at all, but others, I just get embroiled in other people’s lives. From murderers, to inspiring stories I find it all interesting.

  1. This brings me to books. I don’t read enough, but when I find a cracker of a book, that feeling of never wanting to put it down and thinking about when I can pick it up again, is great!

  1. Chatting to people about their lives – I just find other people’s lives so interesting. It never ceases to amaze me what people have been through, how they have overcome difficulties, and how they keep themselves happy. I guess that is why I want to be a counsellor, as I have always been interested in others. People have found it easy to talk to me about just about anything; men and women.

  1. Having a nice day with my mum and dad :-)

  1. Writing! Whether I am writing my personal journal, to make sense of my own life, or college journal to log my learning progress, to college essays that require pre-study, to a blog, or a book; I love it all! And to publish them and share my words and thoughts with the world is great too.

  1. This brings me to social media. OK I am on Facebook and Twitter FAR too much, but I do love it; chatting to people, learning snippets of things and finding new books to read by fellow indie authors! Oh yes, and finding new blogs too! (Using #ArchiveDay on Saturdays and #SundayBlogShare on Sundays, #wwwblogs on Wednesdays and #MondayBlogs on Mondays, bloggers share their blog articles and there are some great ones) :-)

My new bed

My new bed

  1. Getting in my new bed! I have only had it 3 weeks, and love it. My old one was years old, and a single bed, so this new double is comfy, big and looks great! I especially like it the night I have changed the bedding – crisp fresh sheets, duvet and pillows, mmm…

  1. Music! Music is memories so songs can make me sad but generally they make me happy. I can be transported in my mind to my younger days of raving, to holidays, to special nights out… from radio, to ipod to CD, from pre-planned music to whatever comes on next, it’s all good :-)

  1. I love the quiet. I am lucky and live in a quiet area, and I like it that way. I like noise, but in smaller quantities these days…

  1. Getting nice feedback or a good review for one of my books. Firstly, it excites me every time I know someone is reading one of them, but to get feedback or a review, is even better J The same applies knowing that people are reading my blogs! :-)

  1. I love cuddles.

  1. Knowing that people are there if I really needed them.

  1. Driving – especially at night when it’s quiet on the roads and I have the radio on.

February 2013 tattoos love and strength

February 2013 tattoos love and strength

  1. Remembering my three favourite words: individuality (because we all are – I have a tattoo of this in Japanese), spontaneity (just seeing what happens) and strength (because it’s that inner strength that gets us through our lives and through adversities – I also have a tattoo of this in Japanese)

My Gecko Individuality tattoo

My Gecko Individuality tattoo

  1. Overcoming challenges. ‘Feel the fear, but carry on’. It’s amazing what we can do if we expose ourselves to some challenges. And the elation of overcoming challenges is awesome! :-)

  1. Knowing that I have helped or inspired someone – in any way.

Molly my hamster and I

Molly my hamster and I

  1. Back to animals to finish off… watching, feeding and letting my hamster, Molly run around, looking after my tropical fish and watching them… and anything to do with Titus, my cat, especially his snoring next to me whilst laying on his back with his paws in the air, and playing chase and catch! :-)

my tropical fish

my tropical fish

 I could probably go on… I don’t wish to bore you… But, the last three are…

‘Going to college and studying counselling, with a lovely bunch of supportive people! :-)

‘Self-development and self analysis, both through therapies, writing, college and self help – basically learning about myself and my past so I can further understand myself and others and can make positive changes – make myself a better person’.

‘Flowers and gardening – love it!’

My plants outdoor August 2014

My plants outdoor August 2014

 So, how about you? Why not make a positive list of things that make YOU happy and let’s

keep spreading the joy :-)

And don’t forget to be mindful – use your senses, taste, smell, touch, sight and sound X

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Self-doubt – we all know it, but let’s tell it where to go!

flowers I bought myself this week because I am worth it

Flowers I bought myself this week because I am worth it

I was washing the dishes this morning, and got thinking about college and how well I feel I did in my CBT role play yesterday when I got yet another pang of self-doubt about it.

Contradictory thoughts are pretty destructive as they frustrate, confuse and even anger the person having them. On this occasion, I felt none of those, because I immediately remembered that everyone gets some sort of nerves when beginning a new role, a new job, and new life changing event occurs or any big change in their lives.

Then I remembered when I was a recruitment consultant for Manpower UK. I passed all the training with flying colours, was offered a role immediately and flourished in the role of interviewing job seekers and finding them jobs to go into, either permanent or temporary. Before I knew it I had a great little team of warehouse workers, manual workers and forklift drivers and lots of clients who gave me all their jobs to fill on first meeting. I had the gift. But, I still found myself driving the commute to work and occasionally having a surge of self-doubt run through my brain. I’d want to turn the car around and go home. I’d think about my job and try to picture myself in it and I couldn’t. I …….Continue reading Self-doubt – we all know it, but let’s tell it where to go!…

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January musings, marriage, babies, cats, therapy, being positive and more

Molly my hamster and I

Molly my hamster and I

My eldest brother, whose wife died a few years ago from breast cancer, is getting married again. It has been a whirlwind, as I only found out about her a few weeks ago and he only met her last summer! The wedding is in February and sounds to be nearly as big as his first. This got me thinking and others’ asking me, about my own marriage ideas. Personally, I have never dreamed of the big wedding thing, more thinking of a wedding on a beach somewhere beautiful and hot that is also the honeymoon destination. I don’t even think I’d want guests, since I feel it is a something to be shared between two people first and foremost. But that’s just me…

Having said that, I am now forty one and have never been married so that’s a laugh! I was asked, at the end of a six year relationship, but he was too late – I had already given up on him. Bloody right too, especially since I have found out he cheated on me and multiple times with the woman he married. It was funny, because shortly after we split and my reply to his marriage proposal was “Don’t be so ridiculous!” or something like that, he phoned me and told me he had a new girlfriend and that “her tits are bigger than yours!” Ha ha ha. Such a shallow man.

Titus and mum and dads gifts

Titus and mum and dads gifts

What with that, and growing up within my mum and dads marriage, it’s enough to put me off, but I did still want to marry one person – it just hasn’t worked out. Then, Christmas Eve, when my presents were laid out by said person, I asked, excitedly (yup I’m like a child with present) “Which is the biggest one?” and was told it was the smallest present which looked like a tiny box. My mind got thinking and one of those thoughts was an engagement ring…. Anyhow, it only took a day before I was unwrapping it to find a BT modem box inside. I thought it was a wifi thing, then inside was just a piece of A4 paper with a picture of a bed and a message wishing me to be comfy in my new bed. Ha ha. I introduced him to the art of wrapping things so that the person would be swayed as to what is inside, so I asked for it. I do LOVE my new bed though as, at my age, it was good not to be sleeping in a single bed any more :-)

And so recently, when asked about marriage and babies by my nephew and friends, I just said “It’s too late now”. I am then told of all the people they know who are my age or more and having babies, which is very sweet.

My cat and my hamster are my babies. Sad eh? But true. And that is how I get to nurture… and is why I am planning to foster cats and kittens again. It is most likely why I am training to be a counsellor too – to help people and animals, who could ask for more? I WILL be the ‘crazy cat lady’ I could lay money on it LOL

It has been nearly five weeks since we have been in college and I found this break stressful and confusing. I was building my confidence during the term from September to December and then there was nothing. I did organise to do some skills practise outside of college hours with someone, as we do not get enough practise during two and half hours per week, but they changed their mind in the end, so I will try to organise it with someone else. Got to take positive steps.

My group analysis psychotherapy ends in mid-March and this is causing me some stress as I have been in the group for sixteen months now and find it extremely helpful and inspiring. I can take all my troubles there and either talk about them or not. I can gain others’ opinions and wisdom and can see things more clearly when they are analysed by others as well as listening to them and offering them support and wisdom. Sometimes their analysis can be hard to bear if they are saying what I already know and want to avoid, or when they make it obvious something is more …….Continue reading January musings, marriage, babies, cats, therapy, being positive and more…

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My 4* book review of ‘Brain on Fire: My Month of Madness’ by Susannah Cahalan’

Well, this book is certainly full of surprises as we read this about a short period in this young lady’s life. Her world is turned upside down as strange, frightening symptoms hit her brain and body. We then learn about the relatively rare illness that has taken over…

I loved the beginning of the book more than the rest as it did slow down as more and more medical facts were told, but then if I think about taking any of those facts out, I just would not do so as they are all part of this fascinating story.  …….Continue reading My 4* book review of ‘Brain on Fire: My Month of Madness’ by Susannah Cahalan’…

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Happy New Year, resolutions for 2015, why I personally make them and a catch up

Titus and I having a cuddle

Titus and I having a cuddle

I always get a diary (or three usually LOL) for Christmas, and I love to flick through those clean pages, thinking about filling them up with the written word during the following year; a new year. And I do write a list of things I want to change or achieve during that following year in one of the back pages. Since I have stopped writing my daily obsessive lists of these things and more all through the year now (making my life much more relaxing) this end of year ritual brings me optimism.

First of all I look at the list in my current year’s diary and tick off anything that I have achieved. I then ponder on the ones I didn’t, and add them to my new diary for the following year. I may also add some I did achieve, if they are ongoing things I should keep an eye on, such as drinking less, exercise etc.

It may sound cliché and boring, but it does work for me.

This year I was able to tick off:

  1. Have a clear out and sell anything I no longer need or want. And boy did I, utilising ebay, Gumtree and the local newspaper, I think I made about £550 from jewellery, clothes and furniture. (great when my car failed it’s test and needed four new tyres as a starting point!) I am now feeling redundant of my ‘ebay fix’ LOL I do love the auctions and packaging stuff up to send off to my buyers.
  2. Write a work of fiction and publish it (yep, and then some as I published four works of fiction in 2014)
  3. Drink less – this didn’t start off well and there were some blips but towards the end of the year something clicked and I just didn’t want to drink so much alcohol)
  4. Stick to my group analysis – yep, and it had worked wonders on my mental health and personal relationships.
  5. Stick to college – yep, I have now started my third year of counselling studies at level 4 diploma (and found a placement working with homeless people to boot)
  6. Be more responsible about things – yep.
  7. Combine my six websites into less – yep.

…….Continue reading Happy New Year, resolutions for 2015, why I personally make them and a catch up…

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I think I have a placement as a student counsellor! Helping those associated with homelessness

One of my inspirations. My cat, Titus, engrossed in one of my fish tanks.

One of my inspirations. My cat, Titus, engrossed in one of my fish tanks.

My tattoos of love and strength keep me going too

My tattoos of love and strength keep me going too

OK I cannot guarantee it, but I have the go ahead to set myself up as a new counsellor helping those associated with homelessness.

As a student, requiring my first placement, I could have gone down the usual route of looking for a placement somewhere that already offers placements, but no, not me… I have never been one to follow the crowd, I have always enjoyed setting new things up, organising and offering the best service I can. And now, I have the opportunity to do what I really want, and that is to help people who need it.

I have started my third year of my counselling courses am now studying level 4, and something has happened this year. I have always appeared confident to others, always been able to work well in the group settings, study hard, and do great role plays, but this year, I FEEL all those things instead of just doing them and feeling like I cannot inside. I can put this down to my college work, my fantastic fellow students, my group analysis in which I am a patient (very tough but very therapeutic) and my determined self-help efforts of writing, keeping journals, and self-analysis. There’s also my fabulous cat, Titus, Molly my hamster and all my wonderful fish, plants and flowers, that have kept me going with fun and creation, Chris who has supported me, and my mum and dad (who invite me to dinnner regularly). I am a capable individual …….Continue reading I think I have a placement as a student counsellor! Helping those associated with homelessness…

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