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Welcome to Amanda Green’s website

My Alien self my journey back to me Amanda Green e book cover march 2012 My name is Amanda Green (pseudonym), I was born and live in England, UK,  and I set up this website and wrote two memoirs  to share with my readers the stories of my issues with mental illness, therapy and recovery. I also write thought provoking, inspiring fiction with the theme of overcoming adversities (abuse, homelessness, mental health, relationships and more)

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I regularly post blogs about coping strategies, inspirational things to do, Borderline Personality disorder, depression, Obsessive compulsive disorder, schizophrenia, anxiety/panic attacks, thyroid issues, eating disorders (Anorexia Nervosa and Bulimia), alcohol and drug abuse, sexual abuse/rape, Quetiapine (Seroquel anti-psychotics) and Citalopram (anti-depressant), therapies such as Cognitive behavioural therapy and paranoia, dissociation and psychosis – all of which I have experienced in one way or another either myself or those I know.  Also info on mental health charities, forums,  campaigns, the stigma surrounding mental illness, some of my personal experiences, celebrities with mental health issues and mental health in the family.

My logo is a locked box and this is because one of the main things I had to do to heal myself was to deal with adverse things that have happened to me in my past and my aim was to put them in a ‘pandoras box’, close the lid on them and lock them away, so that I could forgive and forget the past and concentrate on the future.

Amanda Green pandora box logo

Amanda Green pandora box logo

I realised that holding onto the past was harming me in the present time and it had to stop. Therefore, I decided this would be an apt logo for me to share and be recognised with. Plus green is for ‘go’ (‘go for it’ I thought) and is also my pen name.

You will see the main feature on the ‘My Alien Self : My Journey Back to Me’ book cover is a keyhole in keeping with the locked away bad memories theme…

Read about my book  My Alien Self – My Journey Back To Me by CLICKING HERE. To view or purchase any of my books click on the links to Amazon on the right.  Both memoirs are available as paperback and all are on kindle, but the GREAT news is that you do not need a Kindle reader to read kindle books Find out more by CLICKING HERE

I have also added a sample of my writing – see it by CLICKING HERE  and a small piece from my book about my mum and dad – CLICK HERE :-)

My personal website is SandraMDean …….Continue reading Welcome to Amanda Green’s website…

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Mindfulness, a poem, relaxation and living in the moment

A ditty, poem, rhyming verse, whatever you want to call it, that I just made up about mindfulness and living in the

bourgainvillea

bourgainvillea

moment… (N.B. Although I love writing, this type of writing is not my forte, so don’t expect too much please :-) It was also written in a few minutes, but I don’t feel the need to work too hard on it as it’s the message that counts)

Stressed to my hilt, about my parents health and care

I went to Portugal with Chris, and I managed to chill out there

For the first time, in many years, I left all my troubles behind

As I practised relaxation skills, it’s about ‘training of your mind’

‘Being in the moment’ is somewhere many of us are not at

We like our technology, a fast paced life, materialism and all that

Mobile phones, we can’t stop texting, telly on while we try to eat

It’s no wonder we don’t think constructively, so many challenges we must meet …….Continue reading Mindfulness, a poem, relaxation and living in the moment…

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The only green eyes in my life now are my cat’s!

Jealousy – there’s nothing nice about it. Not for the jealous person, nor for the

Titus my cat in the sink

Titus my cat in the sink

recipient.

I have been jealous. I have felt the rage wanting to erupt from my insides. I have even been incapable of covering it up with some people in my past. It has wrecked friendships and made me look completely self centred. But then, I probably was at the time.

However, it has just occurred to me that I no longer suffer with the green eyed monster bubbling away inside of my being. Why? Well, I had to think about that a little, and discuss it too, to clarify my thoughts…

Having dealt with many of my inner demons of mood swings, depression, anger, …….Continue reading The only green eyes in my life now are my cat’s!…

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The subject of age – how much do we really think about the elderly and getting older? Empathy or ignorance? And what about us?

I am being forced, if you like, to think about age. Together with ‘death’, and ‘time’, it’s another topic I usually try to

41

Me at 41

avoid. They make me anxious, sad and far too thoughtful. But, my parents are ageing quickly, it seems, since losing certain things in their lives and being forced out of their denial of their age. It is sad, but true.

Dad has been going through depression, and now my mum is depressed amongst other things, like forgetting a lot. She feels like giving up. And so, in trying to think of things they have worth living for, and doing my counselling course which gets me thinking a lot now about others (especially how to empathise and not be judgemental), age has been a subject close to mind for a few weeks now.

I realised that I can empathise with teenage angst, for example, because I have lived it. I have been there and …….Continue reading The subject of age – how much do we really think about the elderly and getting older? Empathy or ignorance? And what about us?…

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The significance of time, mindfulness, past, present, future, counselling, fate and yoga

I don’t know about you, but I have a bit of an issue with ‘Time’.

I have been researching Multicultural counselling for my course, and when I got to the section on the ‘Significance of time’ it made me stop and think… quite a lot.

My cactus flowering in 'it's own time'

My cactus flowering in ‘it’s own time’

I have quite a few issues with the huge significance of time in this Western World of ours:

  • I do not like to see clocks and I do not wear a watch
  • I hate to hear a clock tick tock (ing) my life away
  • I have an issue with the future death of significant others, so knowing a person’s age (despite loving to celebrate birthdays; yep contradiction there), each year getting a year older, increases my fear.
  • I feel like ‘time is running out’ – to have babies, to be the person I want to be etc.
  • I have to check my diary to see what I am doing this week, today etc
  • Time adds pressure to my life, I feel. I am sure I would enjoy life more without having the constraints of time. I would drop in and see friends without an appointment, I would feel more free…

In traditional cultures, the focus is on the ‘here and now’ and the ‘past’. In Western cultures, the focus is on the ‘future’. It is no wonder, then, that I take from the Buddhist culture (mindfulness) and the Hindu culture (yoga) to …….Continue reading The significance of time, mindfulness, past, present, future, counselling, fate and yoga…

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My 5 star book review of ‘Attic of the Mind’ by Hemmie Martin – a fantastic read!

Attic of the Mind by Hemmie Martin

Attic of the Mind by Hemmie Martin

Well, well I have found myself a favourite author I believe! I have just finished ‘Attic of the Mind’ by Hemmie Martin; a book which I found myself actively trying not to finish because I was so gripped and intrigued!

Attic of the Mind is a psychological thriller about revenge, love and manipulation. It’s dark, violent, and gripping to the point that I was gasping as I read in places and in awe of the beautiful ‘turns of phrase’ in others. If I could write a book like this and magic up such ideas, I would be very proud of myself indeed, so thanks Hemmie, and well done!

So, if you’d like to read something twist filled, to keep you on the edge of your seat, and with characters you will care about, then I highly recommend you read this book.

I am going to read more by this author!

5* all the way. :-)

To buy the book in the UK, see Hemmie’s Amazon AUTHOR page CLICK HERE

To buy the book on Amazon.com, see Hemmie’s author page by CLICKING HERE

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I start my counselling placement next week – finally feeling proud of myself!

I was just saying this week how looking back at the times my mental health issues were at their worst and I was out

My first memoir

My first memoir

of control, seems surreal and it’s like watching a fiction film in my mind – a nightmarish story at times. How far I have come… I begin my counselling placement next week and I am really looking forward to it! I am an integrative counsellor, taught CBT, person-centred and

My sequel memoir

My sequel memoir

psycho-dynamic theories.

I started my first counselling course in September 2012 and I remember it clearly. That formed a part of my sequel memoir ‘39’…

October 2012… I recently enrolled on a college course; ‘AQA Intro to Counselling’ on Mondays … only a couple of hours each week with a few hours’ homework… 

I hope it will all go well for me, as it will be a whole lot different to being indoors working from home in hibernation and solitude a lot of the time. I hope to get on well with my classmates, gain some confidence, and learn in a classroom environment towards qualifications and a new line of work eventually, in the years to come…

I was so nervous to start college at first, thinking… will I get on with people? Will I be able to keep up?  Will I be able to cope with the role plays?  Will I cope with the new academic environment – a place I haven’t been in for many years?  But, luckily, I was too excited about starting the course to worry much and, as usual when it comes to worry anyway, it would have all been for nothing as I loved the classes within minutes of being there. …….Continue reading I start my counselling placement next week – finally feeling proud of myself!…

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Therapy cats, pets, family, a new chapter and lowering blood pressure!

Titus my cat peacefully asleep

Titus my cat peacefully asleep

I really wanted Titus to be a therapy cat, and I just realised that he kind of is…. To my mum and dad when I take him round there. I get dinner, they get my cat and I for the night. They actually ask for me to bring him. Dad strokes him, teases him and plays with him (usually getting a scratch or two!) and Mum follows him around, cooing over him and strokes him; albeit timidly at times. It struck me that Titus is a kind of therapy cat in those situations. I mean, I have already acknowledged that he is therapy for me and a whole lot of fun with his cheeky ways and imaginative ways of communicating his needs. He fills my life with joy. But, when I take him to my mum and dads, he fills their house with joy as well. No problems; just calm, fun and enjoyment.

Cats are fantastic therapy and owning one and stroking it often, is proven to reduce blood pressure. If you can ‘be in the moment’ listening to their purring, stroking their soft fur, really interacting, you will also be practising

titus and the fish tank

titus and the fish tank

‘mindfulness’ without even realising! (my hamster and tropical fish help me to be mindful as well)

Need I say more!

There are so many cats that need new homes, for many reasons (owner has passed away or they were no longer wanted or cared for, for example) so if you would like a fab cat, please think of getting your new addition to your family at a rescue centre (RSPCA, Cats Protection etc). I do support ‘Adopt don’t shop’. I fostered Titus nearly two years ago and he was the one for me so I couldn’t let him go and adopted him. One of the best decisions I have ever made.

I am about to start my counselling placement any time soon, and I feel ready. I cannot wait to start the journey of …….Continue reading Therapy cats, pets, family, a new chapter and lowering blood pressure!…

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Some simple ways to keep positive…

Visual beauty

Visual beauty

I have been exercising positivity in a few different ways lately, to help me with my continuing journey of recovery, so I’d like to share a few more ways to do this. These may sound simple exercises but they work for me. These examples are not all from my own thoughts and feelings, but are more general.

I improve all the time, and it is now hard to believe how mentally tortured I was in the past… …….Continue reading Some simple ways to keep positive……

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Inspired by a fellow blogger, ‘Things that make me happy’ Try it too!

On Sunday, during the Twitter hashtag event #SundayBlogShare (which is exactly what it sounds like, sharing pages from our blogs with others, reading and sharing) I came across a blog post called ‘Things that make me Happy’ by Suzie CLICK HERE TO SEE HER BLOG which is a wonderful, inspiring list of things that make her happy. Find Suzie on Twitter at @suzie81blog and join in next Sunday if you have a blog to share (no porn or books, just interesting blogs).

Anyway, I decided to write my own, being positive and all… So, here’s some things that make me happy…

  1. From seeing them on TV, to real life, to touching them, to interacting with them and to having them share my house with me, I love ALL animals and more than anything else, they cheer me up. They are innocent, pretty much, only kill to eat, pretty much, and virtually all of them do not play vicious games or mind games, or abuse one another. You get my drift. Our human destruction and abuse of animals great upsets and angers me, but animals bring me great joy. Number one!
new forest donkeys

new forest donkeys

  1. Days out – from museums where I learn of history, to walks in the fresh air round beautiful gardens, to a wander round the shops with coffee; it is great to get out and about and make the most of life, one day at a time.

  1. Holidays – well, of course, who doesn’t? Exploring new areas or Countries in more depth… Sun… mmm…

  1. My mind can be a bit flighty in that I have 20 internet windows open, 4 word documents, and emails, all at the same time, but I learn so much on-line about various subjects. I also like to learn from books, museums etc… but especially discussions where varying points of views are brought forward.

  1. So I think ‘discussions’ should have a place of its own in this list, as it doesn’t matter if it’s with just one other person or a group, in person or on-line, learning from other people’s points of view, ideas, or knowledge is great.

  1. Massage! I would have a massage every day if I could. It’s great for my back but also sooooo relaxing! From Thai to Swedish, they’re all good!
new haircut

new haircut

  1. A nice haircut and blow dry – it’s so lovely coming out of the salon with sleek, soft, freshly cut hair :-)

  1. I just love my food; Thai, Japanese, Italian, Indian, Spanish, Mexican… so many kinds. I guess all my far flung travels encouraged me to try new foods early on, and we are so lucky now as we can get so many different foods in the UK, to eat out or cook at home. I love British food too, and try to be mindful of flavour, smell and texture, as it’s relaxing and means I enjoy my food even more! Indian cuisine is my comfort food.
My pizza with a view

My pizza with a view

  1. Stroking my cat, Titus. He has to have his own listing, as he’s gorgeous! I love to lay my head on him while he purrs – it’s hypnotic and very relaxing. They say that stroking a cat regularly lowers blood pressure too and helps our body release a relaxation hormone! :-)
Titus during a car journey

Titus during a car journey

  1. Watching interesting documentaries and true life films. I love to escape into these, and thankfully, because I have my freeview recorder, I can watch things when I want to, and do not have to watch rubbish. Some days I don’t have the TV on at all, but others, I just get embroiled in other people’s lives. From murderers, to inspiring stories I find it all interesting.

  1. This brings me to books. I don’t read enough, but when I find a cracker of a book, that feeling of never wanting to put it down and thinking about when I can pick it up again, is great!

  1. Chatting to people about their lives – I just find other people’s lives so interesting. It never ceases to amaze me what people have been through, how they have overcome difficulties, and how they keep themselves happy. I guess that is why I want to be a counsellor, as I have always been interested in others. People have found it easy to talk to me about just about anything; men and women.

  1. Having a nice day with my mum and dad :-)

  1. Writing! Whether I am writing my personal journal, to make sense of my own life, or college journal to log my learning progress, to college essays that require pre-study, to a blog, or a book; I love it all! And to publish them and share my words and thoughts with the world is great too.

  1. This brings me to social media. OK I am on Facebook and Twitter FAR too much, but I do love it; chatting to people, learning snippets of things and finding new books to read by fellow indie authors! Oh yes, and finding new blogs too! (Using #ArchiveDay on Saturdays and #SundayBlogShare on Sundays, #wwwblogs on Wednesdays and #MondayBlogs on Mondays, bloggers share their blog articles and there are some great ones) :-)

My new bed

My new bed

  1. Getting in my new bed! I have only had it 3 weeks, and love it. My old one was years old, and a single bed, so this new double is comfy, big and looks great! I especially like it the night I have changed the bedding – crisp fresh sheets, duvet and pillows, mmm…

  1. Music! Music is memories so songs can make me sad but generally they make me happy. I can be transported in my mind to my younger days of raving, to holidays, to special nights out… from radio, to ipod to CD, from pre-planned music to whatever comes on next, it’s all good :-)

  1. I love the quiet. I am lucky and live in a quiet area, and I like it that way. I like noise, but in smaller quantities these days…

  1. Getting nice feedback or a good review for one of my books. Firstly, it excites me every time I know someone is reading one of them, but to get feedback or a review, is even better J The same applies knowing that people are reading my blogs! :-)

  1. I love cuddles.

  1. Knowing that people are there if I really needed them.

  1. Driving – especially at night when it’s quiet on the roads and I have the radio on.

February 2013 tattoos love and strength

February 2013 tattoos love and strength

  1. Remembering my three favourite words: individuality (because we all are – I have a tattoo of this in Japanese), spontaneity (just seeing what happens) and strength (because it’s that inner strength that gets us through our lives and through adversities – I also have a tattoo of this in Japanese)

My Gecko Individuality tattoo

My Gecko Individuality tattoo

  1. Overcoming challenges. ‘Feel the fear, but carry on’. It’s amazing what we can do if we expose ourselves to some challenges. And the elation of overcoming challenges is awesome! :-)

  1. Knowing that I have helped or inspired someone – in any way.

Molly my hamster and I

Molly my hamster and I

  1. Back to animals to finish off… watching, feeding and letting my hamster, Molly run around, looking after my tropical fish and watching them… and anything to do with Titus, my cat, especially his snoring next to me whilst laying on his back with his paws in the air, and playing chase and catch! :-)

my tropical fish

my tropical fish

 I could probably go on… I don’t wish to bore you… But, the last three are…

‘Going to college and studying counselling, with a lovely bunch of supportive people! :-)

‘Self-development and self analysis, both through therapies, writing, college and self help – basically learning about myself and my past so I can further understand myself and others and can make positive changes – make myself a better person’.

‘Flowers and gardening – love it!’

My plants outdoor August 2014

My plants outdoor August 2014

 So, how about you? Why not make a positive list of things that make YOU happy and let’s

keep spreading the joy :-)

And don’t forget to be mindful – use your senses, taste, smell, touch, sight and sound X

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Self-doubt – we all know it, but let’s tell it where to go!

flowers I bought myself this week because I am worth it

Flowers I bought myself this week because I am worth it

I was washing the dishes this morning, and got thinking about college and how well I feel I did in my CBT role play yesterday when I got yet another pang of self-doubt about it.

Contradictory thoughts are pretty destructive as they frustrate, confuse and even anger the person having them. On this occasion, I felt none of those, because I immediately remembered that everyone gets some sort of nerves when beginning a new role, a new job, and new life changing event occurs or any big change in their lives.

Then I remembered when I was a recruitment consultant for Manpower UK. I passed all the training with flying colours, was offered a role immediately and flourished in the role of interviewing job seekers and finding them jobs to go into, either permanent or temporary. Before I knew it I had a great little team of warehouse workers, manual workers and forklift drivers and lots of clients who gave me all their jobs to fill on first meeting. I had the gift. But, I still found myself driving the commute to work and occasionally having a surge of self-doubt run through my brain. I’d want to turn the car around and go home. I’d think about my job and try to picture myself in it and I couldn’t. I …….Continue reading Self-doubt – we all know it, but let’s tell it where to go!…

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