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Sandra Dean – Registered Member


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‘It could be worse’ poll, invalidation, and the results!

relationshipsI have just completed my first poll to see how people feel about certain things.

On this occasion, I asked this question:

If you are feeling ‘really’ bad about something in your life that affects YOU negatively’ (physically or emotionally) and someone says ‘It could be worse’ or ‘others suffer more’ does this:

A Help

B Not help?

C something else?

71 people (63 females/8 males) responded through Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn and here are the results:

A 4

B 46

C 21 (positive 1, negative 15, mixture 5)

So, altogether:

It helps/is positive – 5

Mixed feelings; depending on who said it/circumstances – 5

It does not help/is negative – 61

These were some of the comments that came with the answers:

‘It can give perspective/humour’

‘Perspective’

‘Makes it worse’

‘Very negative’

‘They aren’t bothered’

‘Does not help at all’

‘Adds to the problem/patronizing’

‘Belittling’

‘Helps me pull up my big girl panties’

‘Trivialises’

‘Depends on who said it and in what context’

‘A bit of help’

‘Gee now I have guilt as well, thanks’

‘Walk in my shoes’

‘My feelings shouldn’t be brushed aside’

‘No one cares’

‘I might drop kick them’

‘Invalidates’

‘Guilt on top’

‘Perspective gets my mind off myself’

‘It never helps’

‘If I get to a stage of talking about it I do not want to be belittled’

 

I also feel that it does not help and is very negative, causing guilt and sad feelings on top of the way I am already feeling, and it belittles my emotions causing invalidation.

Invalidating someone’s emotions can cause lower self-esteem, not wanting to talk about their problems to anyone, feeling useless, can cause confusion, and can even cause them to hate their own emotions.

I wrote about invalidation CLICK HERE and I am very passionate about promoting good ways to treat our fellow human beings. Everyone is different, with individual needs, desires, reactions and emotions, plus we are male and female, so relationships can be tricky to navigate and keep going, but with thought, we can at least respect each other and try not to hurt each other 🙂

 

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