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Sandra Dean – Registered Member


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Monday Blog! I got accepted for the Level 4 counselling course! Talk about confidence boost! Learning, experience, being more relaxed and socialising for mental health

Be relaxed as my cat Titus

Be relaxed like my cat Titus

Happy Monday everyone!

After my college interview and a two week wait, I finally found out last week that I have been accepted for the Counselling Level 4 course!

Because I had to apply for a loan when I found out, before enrolling, and I was dilly dallying with the idea of doing an animal care/veterinary course instead (in my normal indecisive, impulsive way) I am not on the Friday course with all my friends from the last two years courses, which at first put me off. But, within a day I had decided that it will be fun to meet even more new people, have a change of tutor and a Thursday is better than a Friday anyway!

Now that might not sound much, but since I spent many years unable to cope with change, feeling abandoned by everyone around me and feeling socially inept, this was a big step and a realisation of how far I have come in my recovery from BPD and other negative mental health symptoms.

So, the counselled may well become a counsellor yet! How great!

My aim is to do my 100 hours placement in a prison, counselling inmates, but we shall have to see. Part of me is confident, and the other part tells me every day that I cannot do it and I cannot be responsible, I will continue to fight it and prove to myself that I can.

In all my younger years, I was not afraid to travel the world alone, I would get virtually any job I went for, I progressed quickly in various careers, but my downfall has always been that as soon as I am good at anything, I decide to move on to something completely different and start again. I also still possess impulsive destructive traits, which stop me from being responsible at times (purchasing things I cannot afford, issues paying bills, fear of change etc), and stop me from committing to things. However, on the plus side, knowing what issues are left, I can continue to work on them in my Wednesday group analytical therapy (which I hope to leave in December of this year, all things being good), I have committed to my group therapy and college so far, and I have committed to my pet cat, hamster and fish.

Small steps but always heading in the right direction…

I feel more like a whole person again, and I like myself again at last. I feel worthy to be alive instead of the opposite. That is such a good feeling.

I am using mindfulness a lot more now to keep me stress and depression free each day, by concentrating on what I can smell, hear, taste, see or touch on any given moment. This ‘keeps me focussed in the moment’ which enables me to keep my mind of negative things.

I am also enquiring into voluntary work with animals, but will be careful not to overload my time and go backwards…

The counselling course will be another learning curve of self analysis, but I say ‘Bring it on!’

Take care,

Amanda 🙂

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