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Sandra Dean – Registered Member


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How to be a more authentic self, and have more authentic relationships for better living

authentic-self

authentic-self

I have been researching the idea of being an ‘authentic self’ which is where we are true to ourselves and others, not covered up by our persona’s and fear of judgement from others’. This then led onto ‘authentic relationships’ which is where we have trustworthy, worthwhile, two-way relationships with people who do the same. Hard to come by sometimes nowadays, but the concepts are interesting and have fuelled me to strive towards both myself as they will save conflict, build trust, and make for better living. I do not feel either are totally achievable, but the ideas lead to some ways we can better ourselves and our relationships. One of the core things we need in life are good relationships and a good sense of self. I will be writing more about existential theory and our other needs in life soon, but until then, I shall share my learning and thoughts on being authentic first.

The ‘Authentic Self’

People pleasing, pretending to be nice, saying what we think people want to hear, amongst other things, are actually masking our authentic, true self. In this day-and-age, we tend to use ‘personas’ a lot where we act and communicate a certain way depending on who we are with. We might be more open and honest in a partner/marriage relationships than we do at work or with our family and we can end up having multiple personas, which is exhausting!

Do you use personas?

I am not saying their use is wrong. In fact, they can be helpful and self-protective in their nature, because we might keep with certain ethics with a person, or be politically correct with them. We might speak more clearly with people to make ourselves sound better, or pretend to be jolly and happy and successful when we are not. It is OK to be honest in the relationships that matter, so the goal is to decide which ones are important to you and work out how you can be more authentic with that person.

We spend our lives avoiding being judged by others’ but who are they to judge? We are all individuals and need to appreciate that we are all different. If we can be authentic then we can enjoy our own individuality and can grow as a person much more freely.

This does not mean we should let go of diplomacy and just tell everyone what we think because that is not always …….Continue reading How to be a more authentic self, and have more authentic relationships for better living…

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My new book release & a change of genre – MY LOVELY BOY – an adult only, graphic psychological thriller that comes with a warning

MY LOVELY BOY book cover

MY LOVELY BOY book cover

WOW, 3 x 5* reviews already for my new release book out for Halloween
99p – want to read?
Oh, this is different, VERY different to my other books; even though I am a multi-genre author. I have always wanted to write a psychological thriller, and after this one, I think I will write more. Writing twists and turns, using hints and deceit; it’s so exciting to write.
MY LOVELY BOY is dark, sinister, psychological and comes with a warning as it does contain scenes which some people may find upsetting.

‘Phoebe first meets her Great Auntie Val at her 19th birthday party.
The family are thrilled to have a new family member.
Then Phoebe meets Paul whom his mother calls ‘My Lovely Boy’
Life will never be the same again…’

Buy from Amazon UK
Buy from Amazon USA

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Personal boundaries – do you really know what they are, why you should have them or how they will protect you?

Personal Boundaries

Personal Boundaries

Do you know what a personal boundary is?

You might think of it as a way to cope with other people; a way to keep space between yourself and them. That would be right.

You might see it as a set of rules for dealing with a person. That would also be right.

We usually know all about the personal space we might want to have around us like an aura between ourselves and strangers in a queue or a crowd, so they don’t touch or bump into us for example. But, we also need personal ‘inner’ boundaries to deal with absolutely everyone – family, friends, acquaintances, work colleagues and managers, and lovers. Those are the boundaries that can protect us from being mistreated or taken advantage of by others. Or they might just be a way of internally knowing that you are only going to let another person or organisation, for example, do certain things that involve you. They are there to protect your wellbeing, and to ensure you can cope.

Sometimes we have them in place, subconsciously, but we can also manage them in our conscious thoughts too. …….Continue reading Personal boundaries – do you really know what they are, why you should have them or how they will protect you?…

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‘It could be worse’ poll, invalidation, and the results!

relationshipsI have just completed my first poll to see how people feel about certain things.

On this occasion, I asked this question:

If you are feeling ‘really’ bad about something in your life that affects YOU negatively’ (physically or emotionally) and someone says ‘It could be worse’ or ‘others suffer more’ does this:

A Help

B Not help?

C something else?

71 people (63 females/8 males) responded through Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn and here are the results: …….Continue reading ‘It could be worse’ poll, invalidation, and the results!…

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A bit of time off, a holiday, mindfulness, relaxation, getting stuff done – can I inspire you?

Since finally accepting my mum’s downward curve, mentally, and a few other stressful things, I decided to make a new start for myself. I wasn’t sure what, but new anyway.

I haven’t rushed. I decided to have a little holiday, at home. Time off from the usual. No counselling; nothing. And it has been amazing. I have got up when I wanted, without worrying about what I SHOULD be doing. I’ve cleaned my windows, had another clear out, cleaned my fish tank out, watched documentaries, been creative, watched films, and more than anything I have been mindful.

I had to keep pushing away the ‘coulds’ and ‘shoulds’ but on the whole, I have been mindful. I’ve eaten tasty, nutritious things, been looking after myself, thinking about what ‘I’ want to do rather than what anyone else might want me to do. And I have done things in a very relaxed way with no time schedule.

I even got to the swimming pool today. It’s so hot, I thought I could cool off, but it had just been closed due to chlorine issues, so I had a Jacuzzi and steam instead and got even hotter LOL!

Things I have had to do, like sorting more important stuff out, I have done without stress. I have driven more slowly …….Continue reading A bit of time off, a holiday, mindfulness, relaxation, getting stuff done – can I inspire you?…

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The D word ‘Dementia’ (Vascular) and mum

I popped in on mum and dad the other day. Mum, increasingly, thinks it’s a long time since she saw me. That makes me very sad. And, although she has always had lots of mood swings, her moods are changing much more differently now, as we also have a lot of tears in the mix now.

On this occasion, when I knocked at the door, dad said that mum thought it would be me. This is something that has happened on many occasions as we have been very close in intuition, mum and I. She was so glad to be right and was happy to see me, but didn’t look great in herself. When she said she hadn’t seen me for ages yet again, (I see them both regularly every or every other week) dad and I reminded her that I had been to dinner last week with my boy, Titus, she couldn’t remember 🙁 She had such a lovely time with Titus too – he is a great therapy cat!

She then went and sat down amidst a conversation I was having with her and dad, and got in a terrible mood. Her not being able to remember is frustrating to all. Now I am used to this kind of thing all my life, but this was different. Mum now has dementia and although I didn’t want to acknowledge it last year when all the problems occurred around her fall down the stairs (her lithium levels being sky rocketing high so we found out), I guess I have to. Every week I see her, she is up and down, sometimes very lucid and chatty, but mainly going down.

She recovered from terrible injuries. After a lot of awful times when she was in a care home, and battles, she finally …….Continue reading The D word ‘Dementia’ (Vascular) and mum…

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