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Sandra Dean – Registered Member


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The D word ‘Dementia’ (Vascular) and mum

I popped in on mum and dad the other day. Mum, increasingly, thinks it’s a long time since she saw me. That makes me very sad. And, although she has always had lots of mood swings, her moods are changing much more differently now, as we also have a lot of tears in the mix now.

On this occasion, when I knocked at the door, dad said that mum thought it would be me. This is something that has happened on many occasions as we have been very close in intuition, mum and I. She was so glad to be right and was happy to see me, but didn’t look great in herself. When she said she hadn’t seen me for ages yet again, (I see them both regularly every or every other week) dad and I reminded her that I had been to dinner last week with my boy, Titus, she couldn’t remember 🙁 She had such a lovely time with Titus too – he is a great therapy cat!

She then went and sat down amidst a conversation I was having with her and dad, and got in a terrible mood. Her not being able to remember is frustrating to all. Now I am used to this kind of thing all my life, but this was different. Mum now has dementia and although I didn’t want to acknowledge it last year when all the problems occurred around her fall down the stairs (her lithium levels being sky rocketing high so we found out), I guess I have to. Every week I see her, she is up and down, sometimes very lucid and chatty, but mainly going down.

She recovered from terrible injuries. After a lot of awful times when she was in a care home, and battles, she finally went home with dad. But, at 85, I don’t think he has it in him to cope much longer.

Bad times are to come, I am sure of that, and I feel so sad for both of them – mum suffering mental health issues and incarcerations in asylums during her earlier days, and dad coping with her and never giving up.

With my own mental health issues in the past I wonder how I will cope with the future, so, for now, I am creating my own stability so I can keep strong for them and for me 🙂

And, in writing this, it reminded me that since a passing comment of a diagnosis by a doctor telling us of her Vascular Dementia, no-one has talked about it since. Her GP always brushes it off when I have been to see him with her. So, perhaps it is time to see what knowledge is out there for mum, dad and I, apart from the group she goes to once a week and her social worker. Time to Talk me thinks.

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