Amanda Green – author of my alien self, my journey back to me, mental health stigma campaigner and how I overcame borderline personality disorder, anxiety, depression, OCD and various adversities
My name is Amanda Green (pseudonym), I was born and live in England, UK, and I set up this website and wrote two memoirs and one self-help book to share with my readers the stories of my issues with mental illness, therapy and recovery. I also write thought provoking, inspiring fiction with the theme of overcoming adversities (abuse, homelessness, mental health, relationships and more)
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I regularly post blogs about coping strategies, inspirational things to do, Borderline Personality disorder, depression, Obsessive compulsive disorder, schizophrenia, anxiety/panic attacks, thyroid issues, eating disorders (Anorexia Nervosa and Bulimia), alcohol and drug abuse, sexual abuse/rape, Quetiapine (Seroquel anti-psychotics) and Citalopram (anti-depressant), therapies such as Cognitive behavioural therapy and paranoia, dissociation and psychosis – all of which I have experienced in one way or another either myself or those I know. Also info on mental health charities, forums, campaigns, the stigma surrounding mental illness, some of my personal experiences, celebrities with mental health issues and mental health in the family.
My logo is a locked box and this is because one of the main things I had to do to heal myself was to deal with adverse things that have happened to me in my past and my aim was to put them in a ‘pandoras box’, close the lid on them and lock them away, so that I could forgive and forget the past and concentrate on the future.
Amanda Green pandora box logo
I realised that holding onto the past was harming me in the present time and it had to stop. Therefore, I decided this would be an apt logo for me to share and be recognised with. Plus green is for ‘go’ (‘go for it’ I thought) and is also my pen name.
You will see the main feature on the ‘My Alien Self : My Journey Back to Me’ book cover is a keyhole in keeping with the locked away bad memories theme…
I have found myself saying to people how I look forward to Christmas being over. Then, today, I realised this was terribly negative and unhelpful. It’s just that I have been feeling a bit lonely and alone in my troubles. Oh yes, I might be a counsellor, but of course we all have troubles!
THEN, I went to see friends, pondered a few things, got out swimming at my local pool, and recognised a few things.
Firstly, I broke up with Michael three months ago, and while I think it’s for the best, I have been in denial, still seeing him from time to time. But, there are too many feelings still there, so although friendship sounds amazing, it is not possible. Over ten years we were together, as such.
I’ve also been busy getting my Counselling Diploma finished and setting up as a counsellor from home. I love counselling and marketing, so it’s been a dream to do.
I’ve also written and published two books in the last three months, albeit shorts, to keep myself motivated, and oh my gosh a whole new genre has been written! Psychological thrillers. I love it.
So, you might think I haven’t been wallowing, but oh my I have! I can be busy and still wallow. But, it’s selfish, and so is wishing the time away – something I never do.
I have been reading a little about Existential Theory and the philosophy of it, plus the whole concept of being genuine and a more authentic self. I find it fascinating and we can all gain something from it, so I have chosen to outline the highlights I find particularly interesting. Do not be put off by the harshness of the subjects – if we can understand and embrace the realities of life, we can become a more rounded, fulfilled person, rather than someone who hides in fear of reality. I feel that a lot of our pain is caused by our mere existence as below.
Death
This is probably the harshest of all. As soon as we are born we are on our way towards death. As a child, we find out at some point or another and our naivety is challenged. Many of us then spend our lives denying the reality of death, or hiding from it, or finding deeper meaning to life and our ‘passing on’ fuelled by religious beliefs. We find ways to cope with the reality. If we do embrace it, however, we can seek to enjoy our lives and be more at peace with the notion.
Then there is the anxiety caused by the idea and realities of those close to us dying. We experience these things at different ages and must find our own way to grieve, but what about just the idea that a person will die? If we think about that too much, it could be very negative, so we hide the fact by ignoring it, finding a faith that allows us to believe better things will happen once we pass on, or we get sad about it. Some people even plan for it. My own father felt that most important to him is that he leaves enough money behind him to pay for his own funeral and my mum’s. When I was younger, I couldn’t talk about death at all, or any planning or wills with my dad, but now, as they get older and older, I have had to face it – the reality of it.
We plan for other things in our lives – holidays, work, meeting friends – in fact we are constantly making plans, but plans around death, for many, are taboo.
Freedom, which comes with responsibility
Oh, how we love to have our ‘freedom’ in life. We are born as individuals and do have the freedom of living our lives as we wish to quite a large degree. Sounds great, doesn’t it? But, with that freedom comes responsibility; we must make our own decisions and choices, we must make our own lives seem worthwhile to us, we must make our lives continue and enjoy or suffer the consequences of our own choices and actions.
My name is Amanda Green (pseudonym), I was born and live in England, UK, and I set up this website and wrote two memoirs and one self-help book to share with my readers the stories of my issues with mental illness, therapy and recovery. I also write thought provoking, inspiring fiction with the theme of overcoming adversities (abuse, homelessness, mental health, relationships and more)
