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Sandra Dean – Registered Member

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The worst day of my life, thus far, in my forty one years – mum and vascular dementia

Yep, it’s another rhyming ditty/poem thing… 🙂 

my echium pininanna

my echium pininanna


Six weeks today, my mum fell down the stairs

I thought this time, supporting her, was more than I could bear

But she came out of ICU, trauma ward, and now can walk

Even though she is slow, needs a Zimmer frame, and lots of support

But, I got her in a wheelchair yesterday, and took her for a spin

It broke up the day a bit; some fresh air and sun away from the ward’s din

But it was a day of hard assessments, I had to tell her life story

It wasn’t fun, it was about her needs, and in it there was no glory

For it’s all about funding, social workers, needs and ongoing care

Mental capacity tests, very difficult to watch, it was almost too much to bear

I broke down many times, sobbed and howled, but never in her presence,

Got to be strong, support her needs, but it was hard to get the essence…

over to her, that she needs a lot of help, from now on, to keep her safe

In a care home, or at home with care, there’s no peace in either place

She is scared, she is confused; she wonders what her husband has said

Why can’t she go home, business as usual, back into her lovely double bed

Ladies, people, strangers, coming to her bedside all day, to tell her they’re taking her choices

Of how and where to live, of her future care and home, mum got stressed, and fed up of their voices

In her wheelchair, in the garden, in the sun, away from the ward, I tried to explain her new life needs

But, mum’s vascular dementia, it is oh so cruel, because it’s stopping her from really taking heed

Was Schizophrenia not enough for her, Electronic shock treatments back in the 50’s

Horrid ‘asylums’ as they called them then, a brain damaged, a life not gifted

We all were damaged in various ways, by the disease that ravages one’s mind

But for her, so lonely, I cannot imagine, now another disease of her brain, it’s so unkind

As I left her there, visiting times all over, as I waved and smiled as I left

I realised that this day, for both mum and I was most likely the worst in our lives, we were both left bereft.


alpines and flower pots

alpines and flower pots

All I can ask for now, is that we get mum under NHS continuing healthcare, she gets the very best future in her best interests, and that we can still enjoy some nice times out at Costa coffee and shops. All is not lost, just a very difficult time, which I am sure many could relate to. I do hope there will be continuing research into Schizophrenia and Dementia/Alzheimer’s and that it could be prevented or reduced in the future.

And we need less stigma increasing comments like Channel 4’s ‘Dementiaville’ where Jo-Anne of Poppy Lodge said we “Can’t expect a person with dementia to be in the here and now, because they don’t have that part of their brain anymore” That is utter bull! If a doctor said that to me, I would ensure they lost their job! And she runs a care home. I found it abhorrent. In

titus with his hairball toy

Titus with his hairball toy

certain later stages of dementia a person with dementia may get to that stage, but they are certainly not like it from the moment they get the diagnoses. Bad choice of words. (other than that, the place and carers there do look very well trained in dementia and the residents look happy – maybe the ‘butterfly household model of care’ programme is the best way – to go along with the residents ‘truths’ whether they are living in the past or not) x

As for today, my plant pots are doing well, so I thought I’d share some. I’m using mindfulness and writing therapy today and feel better and playing with Titus, my gorgeous pussy cat. x

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